Heaven on Earth

Have you ever walked into a place that you thought was completely surreal? A place that you thought to be as unreal, too good to be true and almost a dream? Well just the other day I found my real oasis, and this is how it began:

So yesterday I had wrestling pratice, and I needed to weigh in for the upcoming tournament. Turned out I was 1.4 kilo's too heavy (I was 73.4 kg's when the cut off for my weight category is 67 kg) and I needed to cut some weight within a period of 2 - 3 hours. Luckily, my ass started to rumble and give me goosebumps, and I knew I had to poo. I looked in every boys washroom stall for a decent toilet, and fuck, I have to admit us guys are fucking sick. There was piss everywhere, spit on the damn seats, toilet paper soaked, a putrid odour that could only be caused by prolonged accumulation of bodily wastes, and completely flooded toilets.

Right after I walked out of the last washroom, I ran into a few of my team members and they recommended I give the men's teachers washroom a spin. So I decided to try something new, and wow, was it ever worth it. I stepped in and immediately could smell this really nice scent very reminiscent of Play-Doh. They had real soft toilet paper (with tons of toilet paper lying around so you'd never run out), things on the stall doors for people to read, yummy scented soap and real toilets. So instead of those piece of shit U-shaped black rimmed ones that all the boys washrooms are filled with, their washroom had the real ceramic ones with a whole (and clean!) rimmed seat. So I sat down, and to my further surprise and pleasure, I felt like I was at home but it got even better because the Play-Doh scent was so strong that I couldn't smell my own crap. Honestly, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. All too soon it has to come to an end.

Right when I was doing the toilet paper-to-bum application, a teacher walked in and I sat my ass back down quicker than you could say, "holy shit it's a teacher, I better fucknig sit down before I get owned". The teacher who will rename unnamed peed for an awfully long time in ths stall beside mine. He either peed for a hell of a long time, or he was eyeing my shoes and my super bright one-of-a-kind track pants. Could you say shit any louder? But he did end up leaving and finally wiped myself with the special edition toilet paper that seemed to never end, unlike the shitty ones in the boy's washrooms (you know, that rough shit that also cuts off at every single piece). The men's teachers washroom is by far, my high school's best kept secret.

Oh yeah, after I took a dump I weighed 0.8 kgs lighter and I managed to sweat the rest off with three ingredients: an elliptical machine, a skipping rope and my winter jacket. Even swimming could not have made me as soaked as I was that day. After that very practice, my wrestling cohorts also cornered me and made me pop a big red zit on my chest, and lets just say, it was not ready to be popped and I wish I could have taken my actions back and just let my zit dry up on its own.

Until my next post, I encourage everyone to explore new places beacuse you never know, you may be pleasantly surprised.